there is something liberating about letting everything tumble out for a second

the best possible thing for you to do, when faced with a build up of emotions,and to walk into where you live or where you call home, and ask someone close to you, emotionally or physically, why you are doing the things you are doing. Then you explain yourself when they look or sound alarmed and intrigued. and then you talk. you talk calmly and you listen. to me its better than crying, its better than ejaculating.

and by whatever you swear to you have to listen, even if you never use that advice. you have to listen because that person cares enough about you to give you an answer. even if these moments make me tired, i am always so glad they happen. now all i have to do is redirect my life energy towards positive ends and not get so caught up in things not being congruent to my standards. and for some reason that sounds easier.

the dispossessed by ursula le guin

"He would most likely not have embarked on that years long enterprise had he not had profound assurance that return was possible, even though he himself might not return; that indeed the very nature of the voyage, like a circumnavigation of the globe, implied return. You shall not go down twice to the same river, nor can you go home again. That he knew; indeed it was the basis of his view of the world. Yet from that acceptance of transience he evolved his vast theory, wherein what is most changeable is shown to be fullest of eternity, and your relationship to the river, and the river's relationship to you and to itself, turns out to be at once more complex and reassuring than a mere lack of identity. You can go home again, the General Temporal Theory asserts, so long as you understand that home is a place where you have never been." (p. 55)

paul baribeau

I like his outlook on life. He is all I listen to lately and here are a few reasons why:


If taken literally, this song is probably about a girl. But I always think about it as searching for meaning, happiness, God, etc. All of the trouble you go through trying to find these things, which can be found anywhere. I especially love fall and winter because I feel that there is an extra kinetic energy in the air when it rains and storms. I feel more alive and a part of something bigger when the wind runs up and fusses my hair while I walk to the post office. I am living on this world and at every moment I am connected to it by every cell of my being. Sorry if that got a little too Earth Mama for you. Anyways, what Paul finds is "made of the softest parts of snow and the quiet sound of rain and the warm stuff that melts the ice cubes and the force that moves the waves".



I love this song because it reminds you of your mortality while encouraging you to get up and enjoy life. I especially like this video of it because you can hear everyone else singing in the background and it appears to be in someone's house. In honor of this song I will make my own list according to the lyrics and encourage you to do the same. Why not make your own list, then send it to Patrick's personal blog (the Illinoise Letter Writing Project: http:// icanfeeltheillinoise.blogspot.com/).
Name ten things you wanna do before you die (in no particular order) and then go do them:
10) raise a family
9) live in a co-op
8) swim naked in the ocean
7) teach someone something
6) leave an imprint
5) publish a book
4) live in a small town in the middle of no where
3) see all of Woody Allen's movies
2) watch a lot of TV while holding someone's hand
1) cook a big meal for friends from scratch and possibly vegan?

Name ten places you really wanna go before you die and then go to them:
10) iceland
9) austria
8) belgium
7) alaska
6) bolivia
5) glasgow, scotland
4) southern france
3) switzerland (chocolate!)
2) minneapolis
1) home

Name ten books you wanna read before you die and then go read them:
10) The Complete Prose of Woody Allen
9) everything by David Sedaris
8) The Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin
7) Lilith's Brood by Octavia Butler
6) The Sirens of Titan by Vonnegut
5) Being Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh
4) A Clockwork Orange by Burgess
3) Henry David Thoreau
2) House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski
1) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Name ten songs you wanna hear again before you die and get all your friends together and scream them:
10) Ten things by Paul Baribea
9) Rock n Roll Suicide by David Bowie
8) Mother Whale Eyeless by Brian Eno
7) Don't Get Carried Away by James Rabbit
6) I Woke Up Today by Port O'Brien
5) The Start of Something by Voxtrot
4) In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel
3) Going to Georgia by Mountain Goats
2) Gemini by Why?
1) Hot Love by T.Rex

Cause right now, all you have is time time time, yeah, and someday that time will run out. That's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.
Think of all the things that are wrong with your life and then fix them
Think of all the things that you love about your life, be thankful you are blessed with them
Think of all the things that hold you back and realize that you don't need them
Think of all the mistakes you have made in your life, make sure that you never repeat them
Cause right now, all you have is time time time, yeah, and someday that time will run out. That's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

Name 10,000 reasons why you never wanna die, go and tell someone who might've forgotten:
(I'll just name ten for the sake of brevity)
10) the sweet clarity of breath
9) the proud strain in my muscles
8) the beauty of strangers
7) sharing laughter with friends
6) the decadence of a good meal
5) the comfort of cooking dinner at home with my mom
4) the steady rhythms of my fingers on the keyboard, my heartbeat in my ears, the blinking of my eyes
3) the aesthetics of the cool, wet morning light coming in my window to rest upon my green plants
2) the electric fuzz of a first kiss
1) the warmth of hugs

Try to list the endless reasons why it's good to be alive, then just smile for a while about them:
See above

Soon the sun while rise and another day will come. Soon enough the sun will set, enough day will be gone.
And right now, all you have is time time time, yeah, and someday, that time will run out. That's the only thing you can be absolutely certain about.

shadow puppets.

God is the shadow and the puppet, formed by your hands, is religion. I apologize for the unintentional bias that this diction creates, but I feel it is the most straightforward way to describe these thoughts and images that enter my soapy head while I am idle in the shower. If God is a shadow, then it is difficult to say whether or not he is real, a physical presence, or simply an illusion brought to life with just the right lighting and method acting. This is a depressing thought for some; in a few sentences I have dismissed the basis of your life, your goals and your actions as a cheap party trick. But even if that is all that God and religion end up being, a figment of our imagination, that means that meaning, beauty and divinity lie, and have always lied, in our own hands. There may not be an ethereal bearded man among the clouds commanding this and that, but what a beautiful thought that we mere mortals are capable of crafting such grand hopes. Each individual has the power to mold and bend their shadow puppet as they like, distributing meaning, joy and love to an otherwise blank, white wall. Imagine all we are capable of, when we have already made God with the flick of the wrist and the crossing of our fingers.